10.30.2007

Change

I'm hoping that writing this post will be a therapeutic process for me. I'm also hoping that I won't start crying as I type, because I feel like I could at any minute, and at any minute I will be in the company of 32 fourteen-year-olds.

My house is empty. Well, except for a pack-and-play for my baby to sleep on, an air mattress that hasn't had air in it since 2 a.m. (Yes, it seeped out while I was sleeping, or trying to sleep), a table and chairs, a booster seat, and a junky old recliner that I told Gilbert he better not even think about hauling to Lafayette.

Cole knows something is up. He cried the whole time I put up his bed and blew up mine. He didn't want to sit on, lay on, or go near my mattress. He got so angry with me last night for telling him not to open the toilet seat (a request that I have to make often) that he squeezed my legs as tight as his little arms could and then proceeded to bite my leg. After swatting his bottom AND putting him in time-out, which I'm sure is a mommy no-no, I felt terribly guilty. My mom brought things to light after I called her for one of those good old "mom pep-talks." She said, "Kate, his world is changing, too. He knows things aren't the same, and he may act out for a while until things feel more normal." Wow! What a big impact this move is making on my one-year-old's life. That makes me feel guilty again.

This morning as I got him ready for school, he pitched a huge fit when I tried to get him dressed and got mad when we finished brushing his teeth. This is strange because he normally hates brushing his teeth. I distracted him by letting him turn off the light switches. This always brings a smile. I took him in to daycare and handed him off. He usually cries a little when I drop him off, but today he looked at me just before he started crying and said, "Ma-ma?" It almost broke my heart.

This brings me to the condition I am in this morning. I have seriously contemplated calling for a sub tomorrow, my last day of work, so I won't have to drop him off again. I guess daycare, though, is normalcy, and that's exactly what he needs right now.

I have been totally fine with turning my own world upside-down, but when I see that this move is affecting Cole, it makes me incredibly sad. He is so resilient, though. He always has been. I know that in no time, he'll be back to himself. Gotta love that boy.

3 comments:

Zoe's Mommy said...

Sweet Kate. Reading your post has brought tears to my eyes. I guess I've tried not to think about you really moving away. I can't imagine all the emotions you are going through.... and with Mr. Cole. Cole is tougher than you think. It's like a huge adventure that he is ready to go on. I know he's ready because God brought this job to Gilbert :o) Hang in there! Love you.

Carla said...

I guess we never realize how moving can effect a child especially a one year old. I can not say that these next days and weeks are going to be easy but you, Gilbert and Cole will get through it. Your family will be missed at GWP. I am so glad that we can keep in touch via our blogs.

Melissa said...

Jack kind of knows what Cole is going through. His whole world was turned upside down when a little 8 lb 4 1/4 oz baby came into his territory and took a lot of his mommy time away! Cole will adjust and grow out of acting out although it may take a while. (or it may take no time when he gets all his toys and usual surroundings of his house.) I know you are tore all to pieces when you think you are upseting him. Things will get better-stay strong. We love you and will miss you terribly. CALL ME ANY TIME WHEN YOU NEED TO TALK. I'm there babe!